Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
