when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
