As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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