well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
