If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
