I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
