Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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