Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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