They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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