I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
