Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
