Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
