babies were throwing up all over the place
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
