Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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