I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize