I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
