dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
