five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
