you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
