You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
