Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
