that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
