remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize