it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
being pregnant is like rehab
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
