Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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