You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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