Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
