I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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