this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
