Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
