but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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