I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
