My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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