i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize