GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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