We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
