My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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