no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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