i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need a beard to bite.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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