She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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