Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
