his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize