i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
