Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
