Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
