I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
