Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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