Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize