You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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