i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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