His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
