my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
