for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
vagina is talking i cant
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize