I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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