He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
