Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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