haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
