it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
