I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
