forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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