That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize