It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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