so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
