the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
