My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
