BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
