i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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