I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
