I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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