go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck appropriateness.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
