nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
