Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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