Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
