shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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