new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
