Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just pee around me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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