Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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