We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
