I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
