I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
