she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
