That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
