I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
