WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
