I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
