Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
