Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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