NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
