It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
