where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
