Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
