I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she peed on how many people?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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