just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
