I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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