He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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