Porn is love you can see.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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