I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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